Paganism and Suicide

 So, you know I have been reading my sociology stuff lately for class, and I came across the research that was done on suicides and who was more likely to take their life than others. A French sociology named Emile Durkheim examined official records of suicides and found that

 "[M]en, Protestants, wealthy people, and the unmarried each had much higher suicide rates than women, Catholics and Jews, the poor, and married people. Durkheim explained these differences in terms of social integration: Categories of people with strong social ties had low suicide rates, and more individualistic people had high suicide rates."

It was said that those who had more freedom were the ones who committed suicide the most. In the late 1800s, early 1900s, men has a greater range of freedom than the house bound women did. However, freedom weakens social ties and thus the feelings of dependance, the "but they need me" feeling. Of course, this also ties well with unmarried, since the man doesn't feel tied to anything.

Of course, women were allowed out to have jobs, but only specific jobs, like sewing. (source)

A century later, Durkheim’s analysis still holds true. In 2009, there were 13.5 recorded suicides for every 100,000  white people,0 which is more than twice the rate for African Americans (5.1). For both races, suicide was more common among men than among women. White men (19.2) are almost four times as likely as white women (5) to take their own lives. Among African Americans, the rate for men (9.1) was more than five times that for women (1.6). (source) Soooo.......

"Applying Durkheim’s logic, the higher suicide rate among white people and men reflects their greater wealth and freedom, just as the lower rate among women and people of color reflects their limited social choices."

Factors that would decrease the likelihood of suicide was connection to a community (such as the close knit community of Catholics and Jews), strong family ties and dependency (like being married), and having a strong support system. Women tend to "process their experiences with friends. They discuss their feelings, seek feedback and take advice," Humans are social creatures and must have social interaction to stay sane, or alive in this case.

How does this apply to Paganism? A big part of Paganism, specifically Wicca, is about the freedom of being able to do what feels right. Solitaries dominate our community, and we have been compared to cats more than once. The Pagans I know tend to be very well off financially (or are in college to become financially well off) and typically aren't married. And I would bet dollars to donuts that the majority of Pagans are white (at least in the US). Individuality, white, "rich", unmarried. The up side is that most of the Pagans I have met tend to be women. .......

But, do Pagans commit suicide? The only suicide that I recall would be Tempest Smith, 11 years ago. Pagans don't have a stance on suicide because there is no central guideline. Pattie says it well:

"Because there is no Central Pagan Doctrine, or Big Book o’ Pagan Rules, it’s hard to say specifically what the “Pagan perspective” on suicide – or much of anything else – is. There’s not any sort of doctrinal perspective that is universal to all Pagans."

There is the Wiccan Harm None rule, which Pattie explains. But not everyone follows the Rede, nor are Wiccan. So why then do we not hear about suicides? Is it simply because A) we don't hear about the people who aren't relatively big in our community, B) there is a low suicide rate within our community, C) the families who do suffer from the tragedy do not want their child known as a pagan, D) something I can't think of, or E) all of the above?

Let's say that B is true. I believe that one of the best qualities of our community is the ability to strongly identify with others and to help them out as best we can. Even online, Pagans are still connected by forums, support groups, social media sites, email, etc. I remember when I was just starting out; the Pagan forums were my life line, my regular connection with like-minded individuals to share beliefs, opinions, troubles and basically my life. Sappy, yes. But without that support, I probably would have slipped back into depression. One of the topics that would always fire up the forum boards was suicide, but the turnout wasn't so much about the topic of suicide itself as it was about supporting the potentially suicidal poster.

It's like a cyber group hug!!! (Sorry, I can't help it.) ;P

Another probable reason why might lie in our beliefs of the family. Belief in a Divine family, a spiritual family, and our personal families is a good chunk of what is taught. The Goddess - our Mother, the God - our Father, and our general "sisters and brothers." The coven family, the High Priestess and High Priest (our "parents"), the higher initiated as our "older siblings" and the newcomers as our "younger siblings." Our relationship with the two spiritual and Divine families are just as complex as our blood families, and harbor just as much emotions (if not more). The kind of "responsibilities" are deep and truly personal. I would do anything for my coven mates, and they would (and have!) as well.

And even being a community of solitaries, we are still a community of one. We help our own, from housing to community projects to contributing to our spiritual relatives. Please, I beg everyone who reads this -- keep it up. Keep reaching out to people, keep offering them your help no matter what their creed or color or gender, keep being the kind of person you want to be every single day. Keep making a difference.




If you are thinking about suicide, please reach out to someone. Actually tell someone "I am considering suicide." Don't assume that people will understand vague allusions. People can be dense (Hi, I'm dense) and slow on the uptake, but there are people here to help you. If you want to talk to a suicide councilor, call the Nation Suicide Prevention hotline toll free at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you don't want to do that, you can always talk to me. You aren't alone. There is always someone there for you, no matter what. And there will always be someone who is afflicted by your death, so don't think you won't be missed. At the very least, I will miss you. <3

Set Fire to Your World

"Do one thing every day that scares you."
                                                                ---Eleanor Roosevelt 

I recently read About.com's article on ten bad habits of Pagans. Seven down from the top is "Stop Wasting Time" with a common complaint that I have heard fall out of my own mouth. So, in an attempt to stop wasting my time, I decided to do something about my spirituality like a boss. I went to a Sikh Gurdwara (temple).

Everyone has to cover their hair, men and women. Here is my turban. Yes, I wore my pent.

I have wanted to visit a Sikh temple since I first learned about Sikhism via Project Conversion (there are more posts, the blog just doesn't show them) in September of 2011. You see, if I was not in love with Paganism, I would totally be a Sikh. Why? Because a good portion of the belief system I agree with -- from complete equality between men and women to the defense of the weak, powerless, and oppressed to service to the community, I love it all. And my experience today has strengthened my admiration. 

As you walk into the temple, you see a beautiful replica of the Sikh holy place, the Golden Temple. There is also a receptionist who started my day off great. I had told him that I had no idea what I was supposed to do and he kindly showed me (you have to take off your shoes and wash your hands). There was a special prayer going on that day for the victims of the Wisconsin Temple shooting, before the regular service. Afterwards, I met a woman in the main prayer room who was very nice and tried very hard to let me know what was going on, even though she didn't speak a lot of English. I couldn't pronounce her name even if I tried, but I do know that her name means Air, or "that which you breath in." 

The Golden Temple replica. You can see one of four doors leading into the main prayer hall in the back.

I should mention that the entire service is spoken in Punjabi. Luckily for me, the temple had TVs that translated the songs sung into English. They were quite beautiful and very much story like. In fact, that was a lot of their purpose; to remind everyone about Sikh history and history in general. There was a lot of singing. Here is an example, but keep in mind it is a lot better in person. 

One of the songs I heard was talking about the Indian Revolution, when India was fighting for its' freedom from Britain. It tells the story about how power and corruption devastated India, and there were millions of innocent people slaughtered for no good reason. It was a sad song, but like the woman who helped me said, it is important to know ones' history. 

Another thing I asked my new friend about was why the men and women were sitting in separate places. She explained to me that it is more for focus than anything else, so that everyone would focus on the service and not become distracted, but that if I wanted to, I could sit by the men and no one would look twice and if a man wanted to sit with the women, that too was his choice. I was impressed, actually. There was a bit of crossover, but mostly it was children and a group of Methodists who sat together. More about them later. 

After a short morning prayer, everyone went into a big dining room/kitchen area to eat breakfast. I was not expecting to be served at all, but what they had was amazing. Completely vegetarian, Sikhs believe it is better to eat plants than animals. But, as it was explained to me, you can do whatever you please.

The gate.

The first woman had to leave, so she ushered me into the dining area and said good bye. There, I met another woman who spoke better English and was just as nice as the previous people. She actually elaborated on some of the things that Air had told me and also taught me how to say hello (sat siri akal) and thank you (tanbad) in Punjabi. Did I say that the food was amazingly awesome?

After breakfast, there was a few more hours of service and learning and at the end of the service, a priest asked the congregation if anyone wanted to say a speech, and was specifically directed to the guests/newcomers of the temple. A woman went to the podium and explained that she and her group were from the local Methodist church and that they were there to become acquainted with the local Sikhs. They wanted to offer their condolences and compassion over the Wisconsin shooting and said thank you and Namaste. 

Being egged on by my new friend, I also went up there and gave a rushed and off the collar speech. I must admit, I was shaking a bit. I said that everyone had been so nice and welcoming, and thanked them for it, and told them that I had come to learn about Sikhism. I said that the shooting was very tragic (ugh! That's like the one thing you DON'T say!) and that as a member of the Pagan community, if they ever needed anything, not to hesitate to ask. Maybe I was stepping over my bounds by speaking as the Pagan community, but I don't think we would turn away from these people who were legitimately benevolent and peaceful and who were viciously attacked despite their openness and compassion. Oh, and I screwed up the hello too! I am so ashamed, but my friend told me that everyone had understood. She said I could speak again next Sunday. (Everyone wants to see me again. :) )

Concluding the service, the congregation again went back to the dining area to have lunch. It, of course, was mind blowing. This time, I ate in peace, surrounded by all sorts of people. For lunch, everyone mixed together and there was much rejoicing. Several people came up to me and gave me hugs or hand shakes and thanked me for the speech. I was totally blushing. Anyway, I kept wanting to leave and tried to tell a few people, but ended up with more food on my plate. It was funny (and also very good).

Lunch! I was given handmade ice cream later and some special Indian tea. Yum!

 The Methodist lady came to say hello to me, and at the end I tried to say thank you to an old lady (who was the only other woman who was wearing a turban) and she ended up telling a guy to give me tea. Oh, the men were serving everyone. <3

The Methodist lady told me that she had Wiccan roots but that she was currently in the church and stuff and that there was a local pagan group and yata. She then introduced me to her group. About the time the intros were finished, a Sikh woman asked everyone to come with her. Rami told us about the holy book and how Sikhs believe it is alive. The book has its' own clothing, is fanned during service, and is put to sleep in a real Queen sized bed. It also has its' own bedroom. People sometimes take it home and take care of the holy book there, also putting it to sleep and clothing it in garments. Rami explained that Sikhs believe the book is a Living Guru. I can tell you that it definitely has a LOT of spiritual energy about it. 

Today is just one step to a thousand mile journey. Soon I will finish A Witches' Bible and will start on Drawing Down the Moon, will begin conducting my own Esbats like I should have been, start meditating daily (if not twice daily, like the Sikhs), and will get on with my spiritual work. My cards are right, now is the time to set fire to my world.

Front of the Temple.

Will you step out of your comfort zone and do something that scares you today?

This Is My Body

This post was inspired by this video.

This is my body.  I do what I want with it. I exercise or not. I eat crap or organic or local, whatever I choose. I can love my body or not, despite what you think I should or should not do. This is my body.

I am not defined by my weight or height or BMI or age. I am not defined by my sexual orientation or my religion or whom I associate myself with or my lifestyle. I will not be shoved into your "ideal person" mold, to be smothered and stunted there, to die there - spiritually, mentally, and physically.

I refuse to buy into the Beauty Myth. I refuse to be put down about how my body looks, whether I am fully covered, dressed up, dressed down, in a bikini, or naked. I refuse to accept any kind of discrimination from you. I will call out your snide remarks, your backhanded comments, and your demeaning insults. My right to bodily integrity is exactly that, MY right. This is MY body, not yours!

If I want to diet, then that is my right. If I want to escape that system, that too is my right. If I want to be 600lbs and immobile, that is completely my right. I still deserve my human rights, because after all, I am still a human, whether you feel like acknowledging that or not. If I want to be 100lbs and sedentary, that too is my right.

If I am working out, I deserve the courtesy of not being taunted or teased. I deserve not to be bullied back into my house or laughed at or having fingers point at me. I deserve not to have harassing comments leveled against me, as if I am sub-human. If you wouldn't say it to your mother, grandmother, or daughter, do not say it to me. In fact, even if you would say it to your mother, don't say it to me.

And specifically to the Pagan community: you cannot say "all bodies are sacred, except..." and expect to be taken seriously. Either you fully believe in the word "all" or you do not. And being excluded from skyclad rituals because of our bodies is an affront against the Goddess Herself.

The whole point of being skyclad is not to get a peek at some tits and ass. It is to be fully connected to Nature Herself, to be as we were when we were born, to open ourselves up to each other and the forces of the Gods. To be naked in ritual is the highest of worship and requires the highest amount of trust and love. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust. If your intentions are lacking, then you should not be doing skyclad rituals, or be allowed to attend one. As far as I'm concerned, the objectification of the body has no place inside the Circle, or out it as well. I digress.

The only people who should be concerned about my health is myself and maybe my doctor. Ultimately, my body is MINE and I can do whatever I please to it. Tattoos, piercings, scars, burns, body modification, plastic surgery - all of these and more are mine to choose. Your opinion may be valued, but in the end, this flesh is mine alone.

Indeed, do not be afraid of women realizing their own potentials, their own strengths, their own selves. To truly be free, our entire population must realize themselves, not just half. Half is not good enough. Most is not good enough. Almost all is not good enough. Only when every last person has realized themselves can our population really move Universes. And so we shall, so very soon.

Taking Stock

A few days ago I wrote about the Obesity Crisis that flared up in the Pagan community and got a lot of comments about it. Today, I am collecting all the issues raised in the comment section and will eventually link out this post. Some links will be posts I haven't written yet, others will be from across the net. For now, here are some of the ideas/issues more or less in order of comment.

• David Grega's weight. Seriously, none of anyone's business. If you wanna drag that into things, then why not consider that his weight loss probably contributed to the stress on his heart. 
• How if David had been "normal" looking from the get go, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
• Peter Dybing, I put this in the comment section but I dunno if you saw. Thank you for commenting on that article. I hope that you didn't take the post as a personal attack; I wasn't attacking you, only the facts you presented. I still respect you and all that you have done. May you continue to be blessed.
• Obesity Paradoxes. That one will be very fun.
• Body and soul, working together, not to be separated. <--- from a link
• Naturally fat animals, like camels, whales, elephants, bears and other hibernators, most mammalian marine animals, rodents, birds, reptiles, etc.
• Importance of fat in the body and the importance of having fat in your diet.
• Credentials, specifically mine.
• Cash flow with the diet industry. Diet industry sucks (so does the FDA, btw)
• HAES and food habits/relationships.
• The relationship between disease and weight, namely that many diseases cause weight gain
• Pagans, body acceptance, and what it means/how to do it.
• ****True Scotsmen argument (If you were a REAL Pagan, you wouldn't be fat/would eat better/take care of yourself better/etc)
• Discrimination in the Real World (esp in the medical field)
• People were fat at the beginning of time. Only recently have humans decided thin was in. Art anyone?
• Health, Argobiz, organic (isn't better), and cost to buy good food.
• Food deserts? Poverty and obesity
• **** Address "questionable data" comment. If you cannot accept pure science, then I cannot help you. Your preconceived notions are too strong.
• Common fat bashing debunked. ----> Round Shape
• Debunk "if you would only eat healthier/fresher/local/grow it yourself."
• Obesity only in Paganism, not New Age or Native religions? I think not.
•  Disease appearing in animals that live longer, like dogs developing diabetes.
• Weight Watchers IS a diet, even if you don't call it a diet. Also, WW sucks at people keeping the weight off.
• Weight being a "choice" (hint: it isn't)**
• Obesity is NOT an epidemic
• BMI is a poor measurement of health, and was created for insurance companies to screw people over. Here is the Illustrated BMI Categories for those who are picture people.
• Being criticized, ridiculed, and laughed at for just existing is a real, crippling, self destroying fear that has been conditioned into fat people. Body chemistry is physically changed after prolonged bullying and complete shut down actually happens. 
• Dismissing someone's fear is beyond asinine.
• Fat Liberation Manifesto. 

 Yes, I know some (most) of these don't have links. Be patient! I will dig soon enough.

Obesity! Crisis! Hits Pagan Community

One week ago, a young, well known, well liked member of the pagan community suddenly passed away. David Grega suffered cardiac arrest at the age of 27. Upon hearing this very tragic news, I thought to myself, "Surely the pagan community won't comment on his 'overweight' appearance, because they are better than that, right? Surely we won't be getting a flood of obesity crisis posts from big name pagans because they know better, right???"

This week, some big name pagans have posted about the Obesity! Crisis! (hereon called OC), and my fears were realized. (Un)Fortunately, what you hear/read is mostly the sympathetic, "help the fatties" sentiment. Questions were raised about conventions, events, activities, and speeches about health in our community, and while I think it would be a great idea to have people like Linda Bacon, Ph.D or Ragen Chastain speak at these places, I highly doubt these are the people that they were thinking about asking.

One common thread in every post can be summed up by Peter Dybing:

"One of the most valued principles within the Wicca community is that all bodies are sacred and beautiful."

I whole-heartedly agree! If he, and the others, had stopped at that, I probably wouldn't be writing this post. Dybing goes on to say, "This is so engrained in our culture that that we have developed a collective amnesia concerning the health affects of obesity." I really don't think that is true. I think that a good portion realize, consciously or subconsciously, that the mainstream belief on obesity is false, or at least that diets suck, and have ditched the body hate.

Dybing also gave a few OC data points. Let's look at them.

1) "Obesity is the #2 cause of preventable death in the United States" - It could be considered "preventable", if those who dieted/lost weight had a better chance then the current 5% success rate. No one knows how to make a naturally fat person thin, or vice versa for that matter. Diets do not work, and study after buried study is proving that. For instance, this 2007 UCLA study (pdf) looked at 31 earlier studies and determined that:

"[D]ieters were not able to maintain their weight losses in the long term, and there was not consistent evidence that the diets resulted in significant improvements in their health. In the few cases in which health benefits were shown, it could not be demonstrated that they resulted from dieting, rather than exercise, medication use, or other lifestyle changes. It appears that dieters who manage to sustain a weight loss are the rare exception, rather than the rule. Dieters who gain back more weight than they lost may very well be the norm, rather than an unlucky minority." (Emphasis mine.)

Also, this study, who were the original scientists who published the first paper on deaths by obesity, had this to say:

 "According to the [second] study, obesity and extreme obesity cause about 112,000 deaths per year, but being overweight was found to prevent about 86,000 deaths annually. Based on those figures, the net U.S. death toll from excess weight is 26,000 per year. By contrast, researchers found that being underweight results in 34,000 deaths per year." (Emphasis added.)

So, in with those actual numbers, Obesity would fall to #8, below firearms deaths and above STIs.

2) "60 million Americans, 20 years and older are obese" - Also, 40% of Americans have brown eyes, equaling to about 124 million.

3) "9 million children and teens ages 6-19 are overweight" - 16 million children live in poverty in the United States alone. If I had more time, I would draw the correlation between poverty, food deserts, and how that affects children. Also, this.


4) "Being obese increases the risk of health conditions and diseases including: Breast cancer, Coronary heart disease, Type II diabetes, Sleep apnea, Gallbladder disease, Osteoarthritis, Colon cancer, Hypertension and Stroke" - Actually, no. Obesity has: 

"been shown shown to protect against a variety of problems, including “infections, cancer, lung disease, heart disease, osteoporosis, anemia, high blood pressure, rheumatoid arthritis and type 2 diabetes.” Fat people also have lower rates of emphysema, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, hip fracture, tuberculosis, anemia, peptic ulcer and chronic bronchitis." 

 And being overweight and obese can actually boost your survival rate after a stroke. (If you need something a bit less science-y, check out this link.) Like Margot Adler said, "The truth is that fit overweight people usually don’t have many medical problems."

Now, specifically moving to the Firefly Chronicles post, let's talk about a few things. If you remove the mention of obesity from Iris Firemoon's post in the beginning, you have an article about the Natural Food diet (diet here meaning what you eat as opposed to diets like Weight Watchers). It's about eating healthier and being in good shape to improve your life and it touches on some of the problems people face in the U.S, like insurance coverage and questionable restaurant foods. In ways, she echos threads from Health At Every Size.

But then it starts getting dicey at the end, and I get a particular rub with "Making healthier choices is not an easy start.  It hurts at first.  It doesn't taste good at first.  It doesn't bring us pleasure at first." and "How does the community, with the resources available, address obesity?" Obesity isn't the problem, people who think that obese people aren't doing X, Y, or Z and are fat because of it are the problem. People who think they can judge a person's health by the way that they look are the problem. People who think they can simply judge people are the problem. Fat shaming is the only discrimination where the victims actually believe they deserve it. They don't, no more than anyone else deserves it. No one deserves hatred of any kind. [EDIT: Isis Firemoon has since changed her article. For context, and to preserve the article, I'm leaving these two paragraphs up.]

How then should the Pagan community deal with it? Like they always do, with science as their partner and human rights Second in Command. With a posse of facts and the normal banter.

Here then, are my facts for a better alternative, the HAES alternative.

First and foremost:

 "Poor nutrition and a sedentary lifestyle do cause health problems, in people of all sizes. This is why it’s so fucking crucial to separate the concept of “obesity” from “eating crap and not exercising.” The two are simply not synonymous — not even close — and it’s not only incredibly offensive but dangerous for thin people to keep pretending that they are. There are thin people who eat crap and don’t exercise — and are thus putting their health at risk — and there are fat people who treat their bodies very well but remain fat. Really truly."

Second,

"Health at Every Size is based on the simple premise that the best way to improve health is to honor your body. It supports people in adopting good health habits for the sake of health and well-being (rather than weight control). Health at Every Size encourages:
• Accepting and respecting the natural diversity of body sizes and shapes.
• Eating in a flexible manner that values pleasure and honors internal cues of hunger, satiety and appetite.
• Finding the joy in moving one’s body and becoming more physically vital."

Third, HAES is more effective to long term health than dieting:

"Cognitive restraint decreased in the health at every size group and increased in the diet group, indicating that both groups implemented their programs. Attrition (6 months) was high in the diet group (41%), compared with 8% in the health at every size group. Fifty percent of both groups returned for 2-year evaluation. Health at every size group members maintained weight, improved in all outcome variables, and sustained improvements. Diet group participants lost weight and showed initial improvement in many variables at 1 year; weight was regained and little improvement was sustained."

This, and this and this and this and this and this. This with tears and shaking anger. This with happiness. This with gusto and fervor. This for the bookworm in me, and this with sadness.

The question then becomes, why didn't we have this lifestyle in the first place? The next question is why don't we adopt it now that we know about it?

By accident, I stumbled across an article about stereotypes (regarding immigration and work, but whateve') and it errily fits this situation somehow.

 "As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once pointed out, the problem with stereotypes isn’t that they’re untrue; it’s that they are incomplete. If you go to Mexico, you can find a guy in a sombrero playing mariachi music. He does exist. But he can’t represent all of Mexico."

Yeah, you will have the stereotypical fat person who is sooooo fat that they cannot move by themselves or even get out of bed. But no matter how you cut it, that person can't represent all of the fat people. Hey, isn't that just like the saying about how no one pagan can represent the whole? Hmmm.

An Open Letter to the Pagan Elders

Dear Pagan Elders and those who have defined Paganism through their work,

Thank you for all of your work. Thank you for everything you have done in your lifetime and even in ours. Thank you for being the frontiersmen and women who have broken new ground --literally and metaphorically-- in our community with news, civil rights work, temples and libraries, and countless other achievements. Sincerely, thank you.

Selena Fox, pic courtesy of Religioscope

And what do you get for your accomplishments? Almost a hero-like status. Us, the "Younger Generation," look up to you and admire you. We hang on every. word. you. say (or type). We know your names even before we know your faces because of books, posts, videos and shows, conversation, and the internet. The tales of your deeds are spread far and wide and are the center of attention around the fire. You are inspiring people to others, the role model for children and adults alike. For your service to your community, you have been placed on a pedestal.

Is that fair? Is it right? For better or worse, you have become above or maybe just revered. You are now held up as demigods.

Maybe it isn't fair or right, but you have inherited a responsibility, one that demands total control over your actions and your words, your writings and even your friends. What you do has impact on the rest of our community, like denying transwomen into a women's circle that lead to entire groups breaking off.

Don't get me wrong, this is not only about Z. Budapest. It is also about Selena Fox, Patrick McCollum, Starhawk, Star Foster, and all the other Elders in our community. It is because of all these people that there are steps being made that are enormous. More Pagan clergy in prisons, more festivals being held worldwide, more religious equality and interfaith discussions, more temples being build, more books being written! We have gone so far since our "revival" it is more than inspiring.

Truly, being an Elder is a double-edged sword.

Sincerly,
The Younger Generation of Pagans